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Take Me Too, Psychopomp

by bonsoirkitty

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about

This project was conceived after the passing of my beloved pomeranian, Sugar. I wanted to celebrate his life and, poignantly, to mourn his death. However, it got so painful to the point where I had to have it shelved indefinitely. Grief is painful, grief is cruel, and grief is killing what’s left of me. Grief hits when you least expect it to come and I will be triggered by the most random and minor things. I didn’t just lose a best friend, I’d also lost a little brother. For months, I couldn’t eat right, I couldn’t sleep right, I couldn’t even get out of bed sometimes. All I see are the tunnels at the end of all the lights, I thought that I wouldn’t survive the year. I seriously considered taking the easiest way out. I kept telling myself that it will get easier as the days go by as I will get increasingly acclimatized to the pain. As we’re inching closer to a year since Sugar’s passing, I set out to complete what I had initially started. Maybe this would bring me a much-needed closure. I have come to terms that I will never get him back into my life and so, I prayed that I can at least be tethered to Sugar’s psychopomp (and secretly pining for the psychopomp to take me along). I want to know how he was when he was crossing to the other side. Was he finally free of pain? Was he happy? Did he miss us? And if it’s a great place, I wouldn’t mind joining him. Perhaps, I am being too selfish for not letting him go in peace. But the suffering only gets done by those who were left behind. “God, that kid looks so sad,” must have been in everyone’s mind. How can I ever live like a normal person with this pain in my heart? I will never get it back in me anymore. Not anymore. Die tür ist zu.

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released March 25, 2022

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